By Dr. Carey Heller

For many families, early November brings the first report card of the school year. For some parents, it’s a relief. For others, it’s a surprise, and not a good one. Maybe there are missing assignments you didn’t know about. Maybe the grades are lower than last year, or there’s a comment about “not working up to potential.”

The first quarter is valuable information. There’s still most of the school year left to make changes. The key is to treat the report card as a starting point for problem-solving rather than a verdict.

Here are some strategies to help you respond in a way that actually moves things forward.

1) Wait before reacting

If you’re frustrated, it’s okay to take some time before talking with your child. Conversations that start with anger or disappointment usually lead to defensiveness, shutting down, or arguing, especially with teens. Wait until you’re calm and can approach it with curiosity.

2) Start with what went well

Even a tough report card usually has something positive in it. Maybe it’s a class that went well, a teacher comment about effort or kindness, or improvement in one area. Starting there shows your child you’re on their side and makes the harder part of the conversation easier.

3) Look for the pattern, not just the grades

Grades are an outcome. What you want to know is what’s driving them. Look at the online grade portal together and ask:

• Are the low grades mostly from missing assignments, or from low test and quiz scores?
• Is it one class or several?
• Did the problems start right away, or did things slide later in the quarter?

The answers point to very different problems. Lots of missing or late work often points to executive function challenges, such as planning, organization, time management, and getting started on tasks. Low test scores when work is turned in might point to study skills, test anxiety, attention during class, or a possible learning issue. Struggles in one class may be about that subject or that teacher’s system.

4) Ask your child what they think is going on

Kids and teens often know more than we give them credit for. Ask open-ended questions like “What’s been hardest about this quarter?” or “What do you think got in the way in science?” Then listen, rather than jumping straight to solutions. You may learn about something you didn’t know about, like a friendship issue, feeling lost in a class, or being overwhelmed.

5) Make a small, specific plan

“Try harder” isn’t a plan. Pick one or two concrete changes to start with, for example:

• Checking the school portal together on Sunday evenings to plan out the week
• Writing down every assignment, even when the teacher says it’s posted online
• Starting homework at a set time each day
• Turning in work as soon as it’s done instead of waiting until the next class

Small changes that your child actually follows through on work much better than an overhaul that falls apart in a week. Check in regularly and adjust as needed.

6) Partner with teachers early

Reach out to teachers now rather than waiting for second-quarter grades. Keep the tone collaborative. Ask what they’re seeing in class, and what they think would help most. Teachers often have valuable insight, and many are glad to help when they know a parent is involved and working on things at home. If your child has a 504 Plan or IEP, this is also a good time to check whether the accommodations are being used and whether they’re still the right ones.

7) Know when to get extra help

Some first-quarter struggles are a normal adjustment, especially in a transition year such as starting middle school, high school, or college. Consider an outside professional if:

• The same problems keep happening year after year despite effort
• Your child seems very stressed, anxious, down, or is avoiding school
• Homework has become a nightly battle at home
• You suspect ADHD, a learning disability, or another issue that hasn’t been evaluated

Depending on what’s going on, an evaluation, ADHD and executive function coaching, or therapy may be helpful. Getting support now can turn things around for the rest of the year.

A note for parents of college students

Midterm grades are coming in for college students too, and they’re often harder for parents to see. If your college student seems stressed or vague about how classes are going, now is a good time to check in. Many colleges have tutoring, academic coaching, and disability services that students don’t use until it’s too late in the semester.

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At The Heller Psychology Group, we work with children, teens, college students, and adults on ADHD, executive function, anxiety, and school-related challenges. We offer psychotherapy, ADHD and executive function coaching, and psychoeducational and psychological testing. We have after-school and after-work appointments. Through PSYPACT, Dr. Heller can also see clients for telehealth in many states, which is often helpful for college students away from home. To learn more or schedule an appointment, email us at appt@thehellerpsychologygroup.com.

HOMEWORK TRACKER: https://myhomeworktracker.com/

Connects to most school platforms like Canvas via the .ics calendar link. A simple tool to help kids track, plan, and complete assignments.

Disclaimer: The information above is intended as general guidance based on my professional opinion. It does not establish a professional relationship and should not replace the recommendations of a psychologist or other licensed professional with whom you have a professional relationship.